So relax this holiday season and remember. . . it could always be worse.
I'll Take Mine Extra Crispy
It was several years ago on Thanksgiving day when our grandpa was admitted to the hospital. We're a pretty tight-knit group so nearly the entire family was at the hospital; and it probably comes as no shock that we were going to cancel Thanksgiving- but my grandpa didn't want that to happen. He all but demanded we continue on with the dinner- so that meant that someone had to bake & watch the turkey for the better part of the day.Bo: Since I was willing, able, . . .
Chicken: I think the "able" is highly debatable.
Bo: As I was saying, I was willing, ABLE, and eager to help; I took on the challenge of cooking the turkey. It didn't seem that hard since the turkey had already been prepared and stuck in the oven. All I had to do was make sure that it didn't burn.
About 2 hours into cooking my first turkey, I peaked under the aluminum foil. I became almost panicked because I didn't think that it was getting brown fast enough. Emotions were already running high that day and I didn't want to ruin the main course; so I took what I thought to be the only rational step- I completely removed the aluminum foil and I turned up the dial on the stove.
Now, you've got to understand the only meat I had ever cooked myself (up to that time) was beef. And as you know, beef turns a nice brown color fairly quickly when you cook it. What I didn't take into consideration at the time was that turkey is poultry and poultry cooks much differently than beef does.
Flash forward to the big meal and. . .
Chicken: I thought we were having one of Bo's famous 'gas station meals' because I thought I was eating turkey jerky. I gotta give her credit though, she does make a good turkey jerky.
Where Are The Giblets?
Bo: Okay so this was about two years after the last event and was my first time making the entire turkey. I was so excited I couldn't wait to redeem myself. I stayed over at my great grandma's house the night before so I could get up bright and early to prepare the bird. I worked so hard making sure the stuffing and turkey dressing were prepared just right. I even added an extra layer of aluminum foil (to make doubly sure I didn't have the same 'extra crispy' problem as before.
Well after many long hours, it was time for Thanksgiving dinner. As family tradition dictates my uncle carves the turkey but before he could do that. . .
My Great-Aunt: Where are the giblets?
Bo: It didn't come with any.
My Great-Aunt:What do you mean it didn't come with any? They always come with the turkey.
Bo: Well, this one didn't have any; I looked.
My Great-Aunt:What about inside the turkey?
Bo: Of course I put the stuffing in the turkey. I hand-made the stuffing too!
My Great-Aunt:No. . .not the stuffing, the giblets.
Bo: What?
My Great-Aunt:That's where they put the giblets. . . inside the turkey.
Chicken: Got Giblets?
Bo does; still inside the turkey that she poorly prepared.
Bo: It was a learning experience. You can't learn unless you make mistakes.
Chicken: Unfortunately it took our family two ruined turkeys to realize that Bo should never have been allowed to cook the turkey in the first place.
I personally could have told them this from what I know of Bo's past cooking experiences. For example, her version of scrambled eggs- consists of a McDonald's sausage & egg biscuit that she would then remove the egg, put it on a plate, cut it up, and claim as her own. Apparently Bo can't remove the giblets from a turkey or bake it, but she can make biscuits, inject them with syrup, and press a M into the top of them.
Bo: Actually it was a sausage & egg McGriddle. Speaking of eggs. . .
Eggs So Devilish . . .
Not Even Satan Would Touch Them
It all started with eggs fresh from Bo's hens and a problem. . .
As you very well know, deviled eggs are a holiday staple; you simply can not eat without them there.
Ashes: Now I know better and I'll actually bring some this year- sheesh!
So as a last minute quick fix, since the dinner was at her house, Bo got roped into making the deviled eggs.
Bo: I'm normally not a complainer, but I don't like eating eggs at all- I never
have.
Chicken: Then why do you have chickens?
Bo: They are my feathery pets; they're for loving- not for eating.
Bo: So anyway, I've never boiled eggs before so I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing. I complained the entire time I was attempting to make them. First the eggs had to be boiled so they could be peeled and sliced in half.
Ashes: Bo was hopeful that these would be would be egg-cellent; but instead they were an egg-tastratrophe, a total egg-omination, and it was an egg-opolapse.
Chicken: You just can't add the word egg to something and think you're going to sound clever.
Ashes: You're just egg-aggerating chicken.
Bo: So anyway, I may have over-boiled the eggs; because when I went to peel them, chunks of the egg came away with the shells and they were pretty well mutilated.
Chicken: Imagine large pieces of bowl-shaped egg confetti.
Bo: Then came time to make the filling. I didn't know how to make it and several family members came into the kitchen to see what Chicken & Ashes were laughing about. Eventually the eggs were filled and sat on the table.
Chicken: You've never seen sadder looking deviled eggs in your life. I think most people ate some of them just so Bo didn't feel bad.
Ashes: Egg-actly Chicken! But remember, you've gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet; some day you're going to need bowl-shaped egg confetti and Bo won't help you make it.
Bo: Well, can you think of any other Thanksgiving fiasco's Chicken?
Chicken: Yeah, tons of them . . . and they all involve you.
